To Say "No"...

B"H

...Can Be A Gift?...

"We want all of our favorite songs, even twinkle," said the couple.  

"No problem... especially with twinkle.  Mozart has a lovely theme and variations on this simple tune," said I.  The bride and groom had just signed the contract to engage my ensemble to perform the music for their wedding.  With a non-refundable down-payment to save the date, we all shook hands and made arrangements for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.  This was going to be a beautiful season.  But, somewhere between the handshakes and a month later the ground shifted.

Both bride and groom were medical residents. Their work lives became overwhelmingly busy.  The bride's mother was not pleased and in her displeasure pronounced an ultimatum.  If the couple had not finished with certain wedding  details within the next two weeks then she and the bride's eldest brother were taking over everything.  Can you imagine what happened?  Two weeks later, nothing had happened and the promised "coup d'etat" was a "fait accompli"... meaning the bride's mother and brother were now in charge.  

I knew nothing of this until the phone call.  


"We must have practicing Catholics only," he said.  "This will be a real mass (meaning a pre-Vatican II Mass) so all of the musicians must be practicing Catholics."  

My first response was silence...  then, I continued, "who is calling please?  And about what event are you calling?"

"This is Mr. McCarthy and I am calling about the July 28th wedding," he said.  "The bride, my sister, and the groom are no longer in charge.  My mother and I are making all of the arrangements."

Oh, okay, I thought... With two Jews and a Buddhist our trio was clearly no longer fitting.  And I told the brother these details just as I explained that one month before the wedding date the down payment was completely non-refundable.  We had turned down three jobs for this one date alone.  

Now it was his turn to respond in silence, then he asked "well, could you find some Catholic musicians?"

I should have said a resounding "no" but instead I replied, "sure, no problem.  There would be more fees but it was possible."  We discussed a meeting time for that afternoon to sign the altered contract and review the music.  By the end of the meeting I understood that none of the musical choices of the bride and groom were acceptable and that the brother and mother wanted purely Catholic music.  "Are you sure about that?" I asked.

"Oh, yes, definitely," they said.  

The next day I was back to the house with a new demonstration tape which I played for them.  The brother spoke first, "there is no Bach".  He was correct and I explained that J.S. Bach was not Catholic.  "Oh, well, Bach is still okay," he said.  We spent the following hour picking excerpts from the Bach Cantatas and Chorales.  Everyone was much relieved and pleased.  We would see each other next for the rehearsal and then, of course, for the wedding.

This entire job started so simply and then became a chore.  How did the bride and groom feel about these changes?  The location changed, the music changed, the time changed, the clergy changed.  I know that I felt shaky about working with an organist and a singer who I did not know very well.  How did they feel about this new ground?  To every one's credit the dress rehearsal went perfectly... and that should have been enough of a hint that the day itself might have the glitches.  

The organist arrived late, and the singer had a cold.  I was not allowed to play since I wasn't a practicing Catholic... The singer doodled on the organ until the real keyboard player arrived.  So far, so not good.  It was clear that this was to be a perfect wedding.  Even the priest understood the conditions, though he did tell us that every wedding day has a life of its own and so would this one today.  We shouldn't worry too much.  But the music was dreadful and I couldn't do a thing because I wasn't a practicing Catholic.  Then the photographer's lights started to explode and a few little fires ignited.  The groom got a bloody nose and the bride's thousand dollar dress got snagged on a floor nail which made a candle stand topple over.  ... another fire.  

Eventually the couple got married.  The event was over.  I went down to speak with the brother.  He was so beet red he could not speak.  He simply handed me an envelope and walked away.  I could see the smoke steaming from his every pore... that is how angry he was.  

I took my musicians out to a nearby coffee shop for coffee and to pay them.  Then they left.  With the coffee pot all to myself I pulled out an envelope and a piece of paper and began to write.  

"Dear McCarthy Family, enclosed please find the check you gave me as payment for the wedding music.  I cannot accept it.  The music was nowhere near the caliber promised you.  I am so very sorry.  In my heart of hearts I imagine the newly married couple fifty years from now surrounded by children, grandchildren, great grandchildren.  In five decades everyone should, please G-d, look back on this day with smiles.  The day went so wrong but the life went so right.  This is my blessing for you all."

Signed and sealed into an envelope, addressed and stamped, this letter was ready for the post office which was just around the corner.

The poetry of life would say that thirty years have passed and the blessing came to be.  Sad to say this is not the case.  The couple divorced after one child and one year.  The young man remarried, a lovely Buddhist lady.  The young woman never remarried though she did stay good friends with the father of her son and even became close friends with her ex-husband's wife.  Both became fine and dedicated physicians in the community.  The son converted to Judaism in his early twenties and is married and living in Jerusalem with his family.  

Life is a mystery...  a true mystery.