Wednesday, April 11, 2012

And If I Live

B"H,

Then...

There was, there is, and there will always be a wonderful woman named Amy.  Carl Jung says that for the most part the soul exists outside the body.  How could this be?  How could this not be? 

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer I worried obsessively over the question, "what if I die?"  Thanks to Amy I now spend much more of my time pondering the greater dilemma, "what if I live? ... then what?"

My beloved friend, Nancy, deserves the credit for shattering my obsession with dying.  When she heard of my diagnosis she called me to tell me of my place in her heartfelt prayers.  She also said that everybody has habits and that my habit was to endure.  She doubted very much if the breast cancer would kill me.  That black cloud of fear left me as I thanked her and we said our good-byes.  That was at the beginning of this new path.



Years later, after my diagnosis of recurrent disease, I learned of an amazing lady named Amy.  Never met her, never will, ... not in this world.  But if Carl Jung is correct when he says that our souls exist mostly outside of our bodies then I have known her soul. She put herself in this world.  Diagnosed with Breast Cancer when her youngest was a baby, she weathered the "big guns" -- surgery, chemo, & radiation -- only to find disease progression at her first scans beyond all of that.  She never had a grace period which the doctors call disease-free.  With a young family to care for and to raise she told the doctors, "whatever you've got for me, bring it on".  A year ago this coming May she witnessed her youngest graduate from high school.  "I made it!" she proclaimed, "I made it."  Everyone gasped, "no, no, no, you want to see weddings, and grandchildren, there is so much more.  We need you here."  But Amy knew in her heart that she kept her promise to G-d and G-d bestowed upon her His promise and blessings of time.  She lived with disease for eighteen years, long enough to do a good job.  Her family is now grown.  They are so proud of her faith and strength and her enduring spirit.  She taught them all how to live.  They will never ever forget her legacy.  But, what they do not know about is the beginning travels of that legacy. 

What gives us hope?  What gives us the power to meet each day?  Most people are not inspiring.  Not because they have nothing to share merely thanks to their cluelessness at what thrives within their hearts and souls.  They are simply not yet inspiring.  Will they get there, will they arrive?  Who knows?  But all those care-free souls have forced me to search constantly for the insight and counsel of some very special care-filled individuals.  Amy is one of my inspirations.  I imagine that she made some profoundly intense promises to G-d.  And He blessed her.  She raised her family with intention and mindfulness.  They know G-d and faith, life and purpose.  They know miracles within the mundane.  They know the power of love. 

It is important to remember Amy.  Her story gives a potent living example.  There is more in us than we could ever know.  Amy knew more than most of us.  Eighteen years, "chai", LIFE, she did it. 


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