...Are You Able to Practice What You Preach?
Why now?
A good shidduch is a good shidduch. This is a very good young man and he is interested in meeting someone now.
My neck is falling apart with these three ruptured discs. I'm walking around in a Philadelphia collar. I'm in pain. Pain makes me grumpy. What's the point in meeting someone when I'm grumpy?
Reality is honest, it is good. Do you really believe that people can stay on their best behavior for an entire marriage? Of course not! There are times when you want to kill your spouse.
Are you trying to recommend or to discourage marriage?
***
Okay, so, I agreed to meet this young man. On our first date he informs me that we have met before but that he was not very interested in me then. Oh, great, is honesty the best policy? So, I asked him what's the point of telling me that now. And his answer was hard to grasp... perhaps he was more desperate now... perhaps he thought that I was more desperate now. In any case, we went out for coffee a few times and he had made up his mind. I was the right one for him. He told me so. But he had not counted on my response. I did not think that he was the right one for me. I horrified him with those words and he demanded an immediate explanation. With nothing to lose, I gave it to him.
My neck injury gave me constant pain. All around me my friends were praying for me, keeping good thoughts for me, sending healing energy to me, and even transcribing my essays for me. He of the the black hat variety knew how to daven, to pray, for someone in need of healing. Did he even once offer to do this for me? No... my Hebrew name is different than my American name and he would have needed my Hebrew name. He never asked for it. If this was his depth of attention toward me now, then marriage was out of the question. I gave it to him.
How dare you wear that black hat of yours... how dare you wear that tallis katan (small prayer shawl worn under the shirt)... how dare you present yourself as someone learned in the Torah when you can't even express any compassion for me in pain!
He continued to call me. ... I don't know why and told him so. When he became engaged to someone else, I was thrilled. He wanted to invite me to the wedding... I don't know why. It was really not appropriate. And so I pray for him and his ... Thank G-d, the health and fortune of his family has been shining all these years.
Thank G-d we have all moved on.
What is a uniform? What does it mean? A uniform must be our presentation of self to the world by clothing, manner, attitude, and deed.
Rachel was in her birthday season. The hour was late. "Come on upstairs to get ready for bed," I called down to her.
"No, I'm busy," she replied.
My husband was home and heard this exchange. "Mommy just called you upstairs. Get moving."
"No, I'm busy," she replied again totally unaware that her life was about to change forever.
"Get upstairs right now, or ... or... -- he looks around at the toys and grabs one -- or this doll will go on vacation!"
"No, I'm not finished," she said.
At that response my husband marched downstairs to the basement with the doll in hand. He threw it in a box and labelled that box "the dolls' Bahamas". By now a primal scream had erupted, "NO, KIKI!"
My husband tried again. "Mommy wants you upstairs now."
"No, I'm busy now," said Rachel.
"Well then, this doll will go on vacation," said he.
"M I M I !!!!!!!!," screamed my daughter as she stomped herself upstairs and to bed.
A good night's sleep is salve for many pains.
The next evening at the dinner table my Rachel looked at her father out of the right corners of her eyes and then at me out of the left corners of her eyes and back and forth and back and forth again. Finally, she spoke, "I do not like this new policy."
In one short sentence our daughter with Down Syndrome revealed how much of the world she really understood. It can be a challenging experience to figure out what of the world and how much of the world any individual knows and understands... how much more so when Down Syndrome is a part of the formula.
My husband gave Rachel the best birthday present she could ever receive... the expectation of accountability... a mentor on the path to maturity. She wears the uniform of human being. She is not happy all of the time. We all bristle when corrected and so does she, but from beloved and trusted individuals she accepts correction. She takes it seriously and not personally. She wants to grow up.
***Thank you everyone for your patience. Holidays were busy and the autumn gives us hibernation syndrome. It is good to be back to writing.
***
Okay, so, I agreed to meet this young man. On our first date he informs me that we have met before but that he was not very interested in me then. Oh, great, is honesty the best policy? So, I asked him what's the point of telling me that now. And his answer was hard to grasp... perhaps he was more desperate now... perhaps he thought that I was more desperate now. In any case, we went out for coffee a few times and he had made up his mind. I was the right one for him. He told me so. But he had not counted on my response. I did not think that he was the right one for me. I horrified him with those words and he demanded an immediate explanation. With nothing to lose, I gave it to him.
My neck injury gave me constant pain. All around me my friends were praying for me, keeping good thoughts for me, sending healing energy to me, and even transcribing my essays for me. He of the the black hat variety knew how to daven, to pray, for someone in need of healing. Did he even once offer to do this for me? No... my Hebrew name is different than my American name and he would have needed my Hebrew name. He never asked for it. If this was his depth of attention toward me now, then marriage was out of the question. I gave it to him.
How dare you wear that black hat of yours... how dare you wear that tallis katan (small prayer shawl worn under the shirt)... how dare you present yourself as someone learned in the Torah when you can't even express any compassion for me in pain!
He continued to call me. ... I don't know why and told him so. When he became engaged to someone else, I was thrilled. He wanted to invite me to the wedding... I don't know why. It was really not appropriate. And so I pray for him and his ... Thank G-d, the health and fortune of his family has been shining all these years.
Thank G-d we have all moved on.
What is a uniform? What does it mean? A uniform must be our presentation of self to the world by clothing, manner, attitude, and deed.
Rachel was in her birthday season. The hour was late. "Come on upstairs to get ready for bed," I called down to her.
"No, I'm busy," she replied.
My husband was home and heard this exchange. "Mommy just called you upstairs. Get moving."
"No, I'm busy," she replied again totally unaware that her life was about to change forever.
"Get upstairs right now, or ... or... -- he looks around at the toys and grabs one -- or this doll will go on vacation!"
"No, I'm not finished," she said.
At that response my husband marched downstairs to the basement with the doll in hand. He threw it in a box and labelled that box "the dolls' Bahamas". By now a primal scream had erupted, "NO, KIKI!"
My husband tried again. "Mommy wants you upstairs now."
"No, I'm busy now," said Rachel.
"Well then, this doll will go on vacation," said he.
"M I M I !!!!!!!!," screamed my daughter as she stomped herself upstairs and to bed.
A good night's sleep is salve for many pains.
The next evening at the dinner table my Rachel looked at her father out of the right corners of her eyes and then at me out of the left corners of her eyes and back and forth and back and forth again. Finally, she spoke, "I do not like this new policy."
In one short sentence our daughter with Down Syndrome revealed how much of the world she really understood. It can be a challenging experience to figure out what of the world and how much of the world any individual knows and understands... how much more so when Down Syndrome is a part of the formula.
My husband gave Rachel the best birthday present she could ever receive... the expectation of accountability... a mentor on the path to maturity. She wears the uniform of human being. She is not happy all of the time. We all bristle when corrected and so does she, but from beloved and trusted individuals she accepts correction. She takes it seriously and not personally. She wants to grow up.
***Thank you everyone for your patience. Holidays were busy and the autumn gives us hibernation syndrome. It is good to be back to writing.
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